Torn...

My attachment to his family is breaking my heart…I may have accepted the fact that we are over…that things will not be better between us…that we can never be more than friends (even being friends is still a question)…but I haven’t accepted the idea that I am losing his family and some close relatives…I still cannot afford to stay away from the family I have learned to love…the family who have accepted me and loved me as one of them…it breaks my heart seeing nanay moved into tears when we discussed the possibility that I will not see them anymore, if not at least for quite a long time…I felt sadness thinking that I will no longer see Jekjek and Jez, his nephew and niece, grow up to a fine young man and woman considering that I have witnessed Jek’s tender years and all of Jez’s first…how can I even stay away from Ate Donna and Leah, the sisters I never had…I’m torn…I don’t know what to do…is it possible to stay away from him and not from them?...is it possible to move on and not to stay away from them?...how possible it is to see them…only them…without seeing him?...i’m torn…it breaks my heart…and no words can ever describe the pain…