what will you do if you were in my shoe?

...will you get even? if yes, how?
...will you shrug it off and moved on?
...will you build walls & burn bridges?
...will you pretend that it didnt happen and it was just a bad dream?

what will you do if you were in my shoe?

this is my story...

its been exactly a year now since i received the news that change my life...my boyfriend of 7 years then told me that he got someone pregnant. what made it more complicated was the "someone" was the daughter of his boss! Since he is in the military, there was the threat of discharge from service unless he marries the girl which he didnt want (and didnt happen). it took us a month before we finally decided to break up. i didnt even welcome the break up at first because i thought that our problems were over when the girl had a miscarriage and we can start anew but i was wrong...he asked for his freedom and told me that i deserve someone better. i was bitter but i let him go.

coping up with what happened wasnt an easy one. i was just lucky i was so busy at work that i was able to redirect my focus to my career. i cried until i was numbed with hurt, anger and lots of questions but fortunately i have my friends who supported me and helped me moved on. as part of my coping mechanisms, i wore bright colored outfits, had my hair curled, wore make up and pampered myself! i was prettier than ever :)...i was simply repackaged (to quote a marketing term!) though emotionally i was badly bruised. I was so attached to his family that detaching from them added up to my anguish.

i welcomed 2006 with a renewed spirit! i promised to move on and never look back...then we saw each other when his father died in january. our meeting opened a floodgate of emotions and more questions because i found out that i still love him while he was already dating his high school friend at that time. Since i cannot contain all the hurts and i dont want to bother friends with my situation i started blogging. I found comfort by just writing my feelings.

God must have loved me so much, He send someone to ease my pain. No, he wasn't a new boyfriend!...He is just someone that really caught my attention...he doesnt even know that i am attracted to him. Having met him made me realized that there are lots of "better that him" type of guys and i just have to wait (or find?!) my match!

He is getting married this december. When i heard the news i felt betrayed...I thought its too soon. But on the hind sight, i should be thankful it wasnt me because we are not really meant to be! There were issues that were not apparent before...like i am career driven and he prefers someone who would just stay at home and take care of him. He wants a quiet life in the province while i love the active lifestyle of the city. Though we grew up together but we have grown apart and develop different tastes and habits. I hope he is getting married because he loves her more he loved me and not because he felt he needs to settle down to give meaning to his life and its so happen she is there...but whatever his reasons i wish him happiness.

We do communicate once in a while. I am still in touch with his family but i choose not to visit them. I dont want people to think that i want him back that's why im dropping by. At one point whe i was so angry, i decided to build walls and burn bridges only to find out that i can't do it. I decided to forgive him and them for all the pains...afterall anger is an acid to its container. I believe that i cannot start anew if i won't forgive him...and i think forgiving him is the sweetest revenge.

I read it somewhere that God and Time are the greatest healers...true enough! a year after the breaking news...i look at things and life differently. Before, i had my life planned and i get frustrated when things don't happen the way i want them to...but now I have learned to seize the day and enjoy the moment. I am now happy...with just a few traces of hurts. I have all the reasons to be happy...with all the blessings that i have...i cannot ask for more!